Move Over Postpartum: Prenatal Depression IS a Real Thing

We’ve all heard about postpartum depression, but no one really talks about what can come before: prenatal depression and anxiety. I didn’t even know it was a thing until I experienced it for myself. Then, I realized something.

No one talks about it.

Was I alone in being depressed during what is supposedly the happiest time of my life?

I could hardly explain it myself. I was so excited and happy to welcome my sweet baby into this world and I ALWAYS dreamed of being a mother. In fact, I want lots and lots of babies… so why was I so stinkin’ depressed?

Well, know that if you are experiencing prenatal depression or anxiety, you are not alone. According to Beaumont.org, 13 percent (more than one in 10) of pregnant women experience prenatal depression. In fact, women are more at risk of depression while they are pregnant.

Even worse, when I brought it up to my doctor, she dismissed me – “Why don’t you reflect on it a bit, hmm?”.

The Symptoms of Prenatal Depression

I suffered from depression and anxiety so bad, that even my best friend believes today that it will be a long while before I have another baby. Pregnancy was hard and it was even harder admitting to myself that I was struggling during my ultimate life goal – being a mother.

I couldn’t enjoy any of my usual hobbies. I had absolutely no energy, exhaustion was a word I used daily, and I couldn’t even clean my house.

The thought of doing anything other than going to work, coming home, eating a quick meal, and going to bed, was terrifying.

I’m ashamed to even admit the state of my home before I went into labor. We had mounds of clothes in the laundry room, our bedroom was amuck, and there was a pile of dishes in the sink that hadn’t been touched in several days.

What even was the nesting period? Whatever it is, I didn’t experience it!

Cute pregnancy pictures? Nope, I maybe have 5 in total!

Most of my pregnancy pictures look like this.

Don’t get me wrong, I have a husband that would help out every now and then but, honestly, his lack of help didn’t make me feel any better. It was just another burden to shoulder.

What Caused It?

1. Work Life

Instantly my finger points to my career path at the time.

I loved my job. I was an accountant for a CPA firm and was passionate about everything I did there. So passionate, that they gave me a promotion to work with a quirky new client that was supposed to be a huge undertaking. A career groundbreaker for a newbie like me.

But it was more than an undertaking. The guy was an absolute jerk. He expected perfection at all times (which I strive for!) but his idea of perfection meant I had no work and home life balance.

I was at his beck and call – all hours of the day. Emailing in the middle of the night. Texts in early morning. I felt like I ate, slept, and dreamt of work and only work.

Don’t get me wrong, I am more than willing to go above and beyond. I always do. But it became so stressful that just hearing my email chime go off caused an instant bout of panic.

2. Home Life

Another reason was life at home. As mentioned earlier, I have a wonderful husband. But during my pregnancy, he strayed a bit. He didn’t cheat – that is certainly a deal breaker for me! I just mean that every night, he was out having fun. Always another late night at a friends house or gaming in the office.

I hardly saw him. We hardly talked. And when we did, it was to argue.

3. The unknown

Fear is my last reason.

I was terrified. I was about to bring a baby into a world with so many uncertainties.

The Brightside

If you’re in the thick of it now, it may not feel like there is a bright side… but there is.

At the end of pregnancy, you get to take home this little person, this tiny little human, that you cannot help but to love with your entire being.

I am very blessed to say that I do not suffer from postpartum depression or anxiety. Thankfully, it only lasted through my pregnancy and the moment I laid eyes on my sweet girl it all melted away.

BUT it allowed me to reflect on the things that were causing me extreme stress in my life and I was able to tackle them all head on.

3. THe Unknown

The unknown was resolved immediately once Eleanor was born. It’s like she was a little beacon of light that scared off all of my doubts when it came to motherhood.

I realized that I just have to take things day by day and make it my mission to be better each time. I lead with intent, mindfulness, and abundant love.

Even more, I give myself grace. I’m a new mom. I’m going to make mistakes here and there, and that is OKAY! Once you recognize this, things become easier.

2. Home Life

Home life became better through communication. I opened up and expressed my fears to my husband: I feel alone, I feel tired, I feel unseen, I feel unheard, and I feel like I am doing this all on my own.

And just like that, I had my wonderful husband back. As it turns out, he was feeling the exact same way. I had shut him out in my worst moments, and he thought I just needed space. And with that space, came a depression of his own.

When we opened that line of communication back up, he started helping around the house much more and is now very involved again. We talk often and hardly fight; although, we do have our bickering from time to time – which we actually enjoy.

If you are feeling like your line of communication has been broken, or you feel alone, please make sure to be clear and open about how you are feeling. Sometimes, all we need to do is speak up. And if that person isn’t listening, talk to someone else! Make sure you are being heard!

1. Work life

Having worked out my other two stressors, I thought work life would be fine. In reality, I walked straight back into chaos.

The first step I took to resolve this was go to my boss. Unfortunately, after making several complaints, it seemed as though no recourse was being taken.

And suddenly, a new stress was added to my life. I had a severe drop in my milk supply because I was too busy during the day to pump and I was hardly making enough to feed my daughter any more. At this point, my husband and I decided that the stress from this client was no longer worth my mental health and so I put in my notice.

A Hidden Blessing

This ended up being a hidden blessing, because during the last month I was at the company, I rediscovered a passion of mine – which is teaching and creating technical content.

I had to create video content, train one on one and one to many, and also create training material.

I have to admit, that was the most fun I have ever had working at that company!

After this realization, I discovered that I could keep doing exactly that – by starting my own blog!

Mamas, if you are also struggling, try to find that hidden passion that you have and reignite it! Get excited again! And if you can, try and find a way to monetize that passion!

Last Thoughts

After experiencing it for myself, I can attest that depression and anxiety is tough. Please, please, please make sure you have someone you can talk to during those rough times.

It does get better.

I promise.

If you want to read more about motherhood, feel free to check out more of my blogs!

I hope you have a wonderful day and as always – Be Blessed!

“If God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you.” —Matthew 6:30